Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
