i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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