It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
birth control should be required to get into college
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
