that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
