I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
