If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
