apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
