"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
