Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
