his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
