the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
