I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
