I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
