I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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