as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
