I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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