I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
