i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
