operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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