My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
