I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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