The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it because I queefed?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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