I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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