I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
