Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
