Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Vodka?
Forever.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
