So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
