I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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