do herpes really smell.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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