Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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