My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
