More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Operation Purity has been aborted
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
