So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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