Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
