I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
