the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
