so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
