do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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