I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
