This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
