People in love make me want to vomit
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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