nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
