Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
