If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
