Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
