Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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