Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
