I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
