i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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