at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
