It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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