So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
