Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
