oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
