her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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