bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
