Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got chris browned last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
