Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
