Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
