I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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