I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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