I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
