At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
