am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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