So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
