i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
