my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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