The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
