Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
