Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Welp...herpes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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