he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
