im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
