I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How external is "for external use only"?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
