We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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