I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
