Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
