I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I currently don't understand fingers.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
